Overly Ambitious? I Think NOT!

So hello again! wow 2 posts in one week?! what is wrong with me! lol nothing! wow so ok i have something i want to do. well i have a lot i want to do in life but here is something that i have always found interesting and neat and i found out today that it is totally possible!

i want to be a RN! a Registered Nurse! what about teaching right? guess what! i can be a teacher too! wow how awesomely awesome and fun would it be if i could teach AND be a nurse?? oh it would be soo awesome. i contacted UMKC and they said that colleges like William Jewell, Rockhurst, and Mid-America Nazerine all have "expedited" BSN (bachelor of science in nursing) program that i can take and be done with in 12-15 months! wow exciting news! then i take the nursing test, if i pass i am a CERTIFIED RN! in 12-15 months after i graduate from northwest with my TEACHING degree i can also be a nurse.

so how would i do both you might wonder? well i was also told by the lovely people at UMKC that as a RN i can "pick" my job and i can do this option called weekends only or something where i get the benefits of a full time nurse, and the pay of a full time nurse i only have to work friday nights and saturdays and then i can go back to teaching mon-fri and i can work in the summers when i am not teaching.

wow i just am so excited. its not set in stone at all its not for sure. its just something i would love to accomplish. i would love to have that under my belt. a nursing degree and a teaching degree and choose my jobs and be happy. is this to much? is this to big of an ambition i am taking on? i really hope not. i hope i can do this. i hope i can make this happen. i think i can. i think i have the smarts, the will power. i was talking in my last blog about how its my time now its my time to do what i want to do. i wont be young forever and i wont have this time for me forever. so i have to do it now. while i can. prepare for the future. if i dont want to teach forever i can nurse or i can do both or i can do one or the other. i can just do this now. there is no other time for me to do this ya know? if i dont do this now i will get married, have kids and have no time for what i want anymore...not that i dont want all of that i just want to make sure im done living MY life before i start making new lives with people love.

ok so that is all i have to say. if anyone who reads this knows of anyone who is trying to do the same thing i am wanting to do or if you read this and you are a nurse or a teacher and have any comments or suggestions PLEASE tell me!! :) ok happy reading kids.

Its my time now..

Well hello there! long time no write i know! well i havent had my internet for a loong time and i have been back and forth from my apartment and my home and yea its been so hectic. i am just ready for it to slooow down a tid bit. hmm so ok well i have a lot to up date everyone on. kind of well ya know i could add a ton of pictures and tell everyone about my apartment, but eh they are all on facebook and you guys can see them on there and oh and ah if you like. i am going to use my blog to talk. oh i am good at that. i made lots of phone calls yesterday looking for someone to just listen to me. gosh i seriously just needed someone to talk and only 2 people picked up, you know who you are ;) thank you.

do you guys just ever get in those moods like you just feel like everything is crashing down? like its just all wrong or weird or nothing makes sense or there is just so many people to please and you just cant do it all? well all of those things...i was feeling saturday night. i just ugh i dont know what to do with all of me and my family and friends. i have 2 lives now and it sucks! i have a life in maryville which i LOVE i have friends here who i LOVE and an apartment that i LOVE!!! but its summer so my friends that are up here are taking classes and summer classes are killer so they cant really hang out, thats COMPLETELY understandable. but then i have a life in excelsior, well kind of which is what i realized this weekend. i dont really have anyone to come home to in etown. i have my parents and a couple of friends but other than that...nothing. and my 2 or 3 friends i have, i cant and dont expect them to spend every waking moment with me. but when i am not doing something im sittin at home which really isnt my home anymore. all of my bed stuff, internet, tv, books, LIFE is in maryville now. oh is just so hard guys.

i love it in maryville and i want to live here exclusively and be here but i feel so responsible to the few people i have left behind in excelsior to keep my life there. especially my kitty ;). lol but no really i do. like i feel like if i go away i will forget about them...or they will forget about me. also up here i am alone for the most part ya know? i dont have anyone with me at night...mainly referring to my kitty but i dont have anyone here. i suppose as an only child i grew up always having someone there for me and now im by myself and its quiet...i dont even know. :( this is why i get sad and confused and lost i have all these mixed emotions about everything!

so i have decided that this time right now in my life is my time. its my time to do what i want. live MY LIFE how i want to live it. do things for me, what i want to do. this time right now in my life is a time for great things to happen or bad things to happen. i can actually CHOOSE who i want to be (for the most part anyways). while i knew this all along i know now that if i ever want to be my own person i need to take advantage of this amazing opportunity i have in front of me and stop worrying about what everyone else thinks or is doing. and as for those people i am afraid that will forget about me, well if they are there for me - not exactly waiting around for me - but if they are there when i get back and we can pick up where we left off then they are really my friends, my people, the ones who i know no matter what will always be there and if they are not there then oh well. i have to do things for me for once.

so what am i going to do? well here are a few things i would like to do for myself: go on a long walk every night when the sun is starting to set, pray every night, read all the time, go to greece, go fishing, go to church, tell everyone important to me exactly how i feel about them, let go of old grudges, be more accepting of change, "love thy enemies", find some more great music, go camping, get a massage, do WHATEVER comes to my mind with out over thinking it.

oh and i found this awesome song that just oh explains so much about me i dont know how i feel, how i want to feel, its just so awesome. its by a Christian band called FLYLEAF and wow it just struck me and i love it...definitely worth watching the video so you can hear the song. but here are the lyrics because they are what is so moving to me.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_-sNIWi2fLs <-----that is the link for the vid.


All Around Me lyrics

My hands are searching for you
My arms are outstretched towards you
I feel you on my fingertips
My tongue dances behind my lips for you

This fire rising through my being
Burning I'm not used to seeing you

I'm alive, I'm alive

I can feel you all around me
Thickening the air I'm breathing
Holding on to what I'm feeling
Savoring this heart that's healing

My hands float up above me
And you whisper you love me
And I begin to fade
Into our secret place

The music makes me sway
The angels singing say we are alone with you
I am alone and they are too with you

I'm alive, I'm alive

I can feel you all around me
Thickening the air I'm breathing
Holding on to what I'm feeling
Savoring this heart that's healing

And so I cry
The light is white
And I see you

I'm alive, I'm alive, I'm alive

I can feel you all around me
Thickening the air I'm breathing
Holding on to what I'm feeling
Savoring this heart that's healing

Take my hand
I give it to you
Now you own me
All I am
You said you would never leave me
I believe you
I believe

I can feel you all around me
Thickening the air I'm breathing
Holding on to what I'm feeling
Savoring this heart that's healed

well guys thanks for reading this post. you all are amazing and i love you guys!! i hope this post didnt just talk in circles, but then again if it did well you already know that is just WHO I AM! :-D have a very wonderful day!!

Love,
Michelle Bell

Have you ever??

well it has been a while yes? yes. well i have been GREAT!! spring semester is almost over 3 more days of classes, then a week of finals so woop woop im excited! i am moving into my VERY FIRST apartment in less than 2 weeks so that is soo exciting! but hmm thats not really what this post is about.

what i really wanted to voice in this post is my happiness! with everything in life right now. god is great. i know that was just inserted in there all random like but i believe that everything that has been happening lately is because of him! he DOES answer prayers, maybe not in the way you or i want but oh he answers prayers. for instance, my prayers to him for patience! wow i have gained a lot of that lately. instead of getting all flustered lately i remembered i had prayed to him for patience and that what i WOULD have been getting all flustered about is just another opportunity for me to gain patience. :)

ok so that wasnt really what my title "have you ever" is about, but its still true! :) my title is refferring to the following...have you ever just wanted to chase after someone so bad but dont? like i wanted to chase after someone today, i wanted to call him back and be like wait a second and then well give him a nice little kiss, but that is besides the point. but i didnt. i ask myself why didnt i? could it have been my last chance? i sure hope not, i dont think it is, maybe i didnt because it wasnt right. boy i dont know. i just know that i wanted it to happen so bad that i stood there for a few minutes holding onto the door handle hoping for the strength to go after him, be all romantic and say wait! i wanted to give you something. but i didnt, i suppose that is ok. sheese i dont know. and i dont know why posting it on here will help me. i have learned from VERY recent experiences that the only person who can help me with any situation big or small is god. so yea. buuut! if you think you might want to give some input to this situation feel free.

all i know is that i have never been this patient and i am soo thrilled with the results, i can only hope they continue on in the same direction. :) oh gosh kids i hope this post wasnt just a bunch of random ramblings and that you all might actually have enjoyed it. lol so if you have any advice or any good bible verses you would like to share with me please feel free to do so!! :-D hope you all have a WONDERFUL day!!

:-D Michelle

So yea..

Y a know, my life is good, no my life is great. i have been through a lot since i last posted and since this website is to share thoughts and stories and stuff, well here i go!

ok #1 this is what is going on right at this moment, its almost 4 in the morning and im watching this movie called LAST KISS. its been out for a while but its mainly about relationships and not like the lovey dovey side of relationships. its about all the crappy things that happen in relationships. its like 4 couples:

**one couple is an old married couple where the wife is going crazy because she thinks her husband doesnt love her anymore,

**there is another married couple, younger with a child and all they do is fight, the wife is crazy mean and is drives her husband to want a divorce

**the third relationship is this guy and his ex, he is so still crazy in love with her and she has moved on. so its kind of about him needing to get over his ex.

**and the main one is zach braffs character and his serious girl friend who is 3 months pregnant. so zach braff meets this younger girl at a wedding right. well this girl is a slut and hits on him and he tells her he is married but she persists. now i cant be biased because it takes two to tango but anyways his curiosity and her sluttiness get the better of him and he ends up lying to his wife to go out with this slut right? well his wife finds out and he ends up just kissing this other girl cause he feels bad and goes back home thinking his wife doesnt know. WHOOPS!! she knows, he was caught and she yells at him, calling him every name in the book telling him to get out right and then he yells back at her saying f*you and all this stuff and he leaves!!! he leaves, he goes BACK to the slutty little brunette! oh gosh, this is what i was trying to get to with this whole story, WHY DOES HE GO BACK? why? honestly what tempts a person to cheat? i do not understand this concept of cheating i just dont. please if you have ever cheated on a person you love, tell me what made you want to do that? i cant even fathom the thought of it. ah anyways so on and so forth after that he wants her back and he will do anything to get her back right? thats another thing i dont get. how can someone cheat on someone they love then expect to be able to ever have their love or trust again? i dont know its all crazy like, but i love the movie because it has several great quotes that make a lot of great points. so here they are:

"every a**hole in the world says he loves someone, it means nothing. what you feel only matters to you, what you do to the people you say you love, thats what matters, its the only thing that counts." --------------> actions speak louder than words and this quote just brings it to life almost. i love this quote its so true.

"you think this woman is the last brunette that is ever going to tempt you?"------->hmm there will always be temptations but will i be able to find a man who will never give into them?

"you cant fail if you dont give up."----------->i need to focus on this quote right now.

anyways, i was going to write more i was, but i am so tired and the movie is almost over. gosh. i have a lot more to say, but i will write later! thanks for reading and keep the comments coming!

Patience vs Me

So hi guys! :) Thanks for reading my pathetic blog last time! lol I have new stuff for today...and your right it deals with patience and my lack of it. haha. so i love movies and you all know that but i dont tend to take advice from them...usually. however, a long while back i saw "Evan Almighty", not a great movie but it was cute! anyways there was this one part in the movie where Evan's wife was getting frustrated with her husbands antics and she just didnt know what to do and the next thing you know "God" - morgan freeman - is sitting next to her and he is talking to her and what he says to her, which i am about to share with you guys, really makes sense and i feel like i can apply it to how i am feeling right now in this moment. he says to her:

"Let me ask you something. If someone prays for patience, you think God gives them patience? Or does he give them the opportunity to be patient? If he prayed for courage, does God give him courage, or does he give him opportunities to be courageous? If someone prayed for the family to be closer, do you think God zaps them with warm fuzzy feelings, or does he give them opportunities to love each other?"

Boy do i feel like god is giving me A LOT of opportunities to be patient lately. there have been so many things going on in my life right now that range from money to boys to school its just all requires soo much waiting. waiting to see if i get a loan, waiting to see if this guys likes me, waiting to see if i get in the summer classes i need, just waiting and being patient and its so hard cause im a fixer. to me all these things im waiting on are all little problems of their own and i want to fix them and until they are fixed i am a nervous, stressed out wreck on the inside. anyways all i know is that i believe in GOD and i believe that i have asked HIM enough times for patience and HE is finally giving me the opportunity to use it, so i am just going to have to be strong, very very strong and keep my chin up i suppose! right? i guess i need to stop wasting all of my strength on trying to fix these things that i know i CANT fix and use that strength for patience, right? hmm well i am going to leave my "avid" readers with the lyrics from one of my favorite songs...

Jack Johnson
All At Once

All at once,
The world can overwhelm me
There's almost nothin' that you could tell me
That could ease my mind

Which way will you run
When it's always all around you
And the feelin' lost and found you again
A feelin' that we have no control
Around the sun
Some say
There's gonna be the new hell
Some say
It's still too early to tell
Some say
It really ain't no myth at all

Keep askin' ourselves are we really
Strong enough
There's so many things that we got
Too proud of
We're too proud of
We're too proud of

I wanna take the preconceived
Out from underneath your feet
We could shake it off
Instead we'll plant some seeds
We'll watch em' as they grow
And with each new beat
From your heart the roots grow deeper
The branches will they reach for what
Nobody really knows
But underneath it all
Theres this heart all alone

What about is gone
And it really won't be so long
Sometimes it feels like a heart is no place to be singin' from at all

Theres a world we've never seen
Theres still hope between the dreams
The weight of it all
Could blow away with a breeze
If your waiting on the wind
Don't forget to breathe
Cause as the darkness gets deeper
We'll be sinkin as we reach for love
At least somethin we could hold
But I'll reach to you from where time just cant go

What about is gone
And it really wont be so long
Sometimes it feels like a heart is no place to be singin' from at all

WANTED: MAN FRIEND

...A man who ISN'T intimidated by my loud and obnoxious personality
...A man who understands that girls fart and its ok
...A man who wants to be my friend and watch movies with me
...A man who will cut up raw meat for me because i am repulsed by the looks and texture of it.
...A man who doesnt do bad things

^pretty sure thats all i want in a man friend. not a boyfriend, not a fiancee, a man friend. a man friend is someone who is all of that. a man friend is someone who i am attracted to and who is attracted to me but understands he is just a man friend but we can still flirt. a man friend is someone who when they start feeling like they might like me wont pull the line "i dont want to ruin our friendship", man friends are not BAAABIES (in mr. bilens voice). man friends understand that friendships can turn into something more but must start out as friendships before anything more will ever have a chance of happening.

this all stemmed from me going after a guy i wanted. i wanted him to me a man friend, i didnt quite ask him to be my man friend i asked him to watch a movie and he said no, he hesitated but still said no and i was left feeling embarrassed because i threw myself out there. i just wanted him to be my man friend...a man friend i could kiss..yes but man friend first and foremost. ya know the kind of man friend that you could call on a week night when all your homwork was done and wanted to watch movie and be pals with you would call said man friend and he would come over and watch a stupid sappy movie with you and make you laugh when your crying because dan from dan in real life just admitted he misses his wife cause she is dead and he is rasing 3 daughters and they hate him because they are hormonal and he is in love with his brothers girlfriend and you are just crying cause you want dan to be happy and you want to be happy too like dan could be...and mr. man friend would make you giggle and he would look dang cute doing it.

ahh but i suppose those dont exist...but i put up a want add just in case they do... if you fit the description or have any advice on how to find a man friend...let me know. until then have a great evening kids.

michelle

Oh just a fun thing I got from Melissa!

Four things you may or may not have known about me in no particular order, directions are at the end! ENJOY!!

Four jobs I have had in my life

1. Subway
2. Walmart
3. Flower shop
4. Mill Inn
   

Four movies I would watch over and over:

1. Wizard of Oz
2. Across the Universe
3. Harry Potter series
   
4. Any Cartoon Movies
   

Four Places I have lived!

1. Excelsior Springs, MO
2. Maryville, Mo

I have only lived in those two places...lol

Four Tv Shows I watch
1. Big Brother
2. Heroes
3. Greys Anatomy
4. Americas Next Best Dance Crew

Four places I have been:
1. California
2. Florida
3. Michigan
4. Colorado

Who do you E -mail (regularly): No particular order
1. My mom
2. My dad
3. Lani
4. My teachers

Four of my favorite foods:
1. Chicken Alfredo with Jalepenos
2. Chicken Quesadillas
3. Chicken Pizza with Jalepenos
4. Homemade Stew

Where I would rather be right now:
1. In florida
2. At home with my mom and dad and my kitty
3. In germany with lanners
4. Ireland with Gerard Butler

I am looking forward to this year:

1. Florida
2. Hopefully getting this summer job i want
3. hopefully going to germany
4. hopefully getting an apartment

Now to all of you who read this... I'd like to know more about you!!!! Just copy and paste it... it's kinda fun!