My Best Friend

I have this best friend you see. she is quite awesome i never thought i could have a best friend after being stabbed in the back so many times. this best friend of mine is amazing. i can tell her anything and not only know that it will not be repeated but that i will get 100% honest feedback.


me and my best friend like to dutch oven each other and push each other off beds. we can stay up for hours rambling aimlessly about boys, god, life, music, movies, smelly things and repeat ourselves hundreds of times and it will never get old.

my best friend is thousands of miles away from me right now but we still have our 2 hour conversations and she still knows exactly what i mean when i ramble to her in fury about something crazy that just happened - oh em gee -


not only do i have an awesome best friend but she has an awesome family that she so graciously shares with me and get excited about it when i hang out with them while she is away for a year. we like to talk about how when once we are married to our dream guys and having babies that we will plan to get pregnant at the same time, no matter how many trys it takes then we laugh about how ridiculous it sounds. but we both know it would be awesome if it really happened.

my best friend knows that no matter what if she puts a movie in late at night i will fall asleep. and she knows that sometimes when i talk i seem to make no sense, but she knows exactly what i am saying. our brains work the same. and we know we as lesbo as it may sound to say i love you to each other we still do...cause we both know that we are definitely not lesbo!!

god has truly blessed me with the best person in the whole wide world as a best friend and i only hope that i am half the best friend to her that she is to me. i dont know what i would do with out my best friend. i am blessed.

so just in case you are wondering who my best friend is.....

I Wuv you Leilani!!!!

A Music Post

jeeze i am lame huh? well i wanted to post again because i have been listening to ALOT of music lately and wow yea so i wanted to share some more of my favs in like this little survey thing. your only supposed to answer in song lyrics its kind of fun. you might see some repeats from a blog i did earlier called lyrically amazing or something but ohs well its still fun and interesting! you should read it and re-post it!!

***Describe yourself:

“She only drinks coffee at midnight
When the moment is not right
Her timing is quite, unusual
You see her confidence is tragic, but her
Intuition magic And the shape of her body?
Unusual”

***Describe your feelings of your ex boyfriend/girlfriend:

"It's time to forget about the past To wash away what happened last Hide behind an empty face Don't ask too much, just say 'Cause this is just a game"

***Describe your crush/boyfriend/girlfriend:

"It's crazy, I'm thinking
Just as long as you're around
And here I'll be dancing on the ground
Am I right side up or upside down?
To each other we'll be facing
My love, my love,
We'll beat back the pain we've found
You know I mean to tell you
All the things I've been thinking
Deep inside, my friend.
Each moment the more I love you"

AND

"How soft a whisper can get
When you’re walking through a crowded space
I hear every word being said
And I remember that everyday
I get a little bit closer to you

How long an hour can take
When you’re starting into open space
When I feel I’m slipping further away
I remember that everyday
I get a little bit closer to you"

***Are you happy or sad?

"I got a pocket,
got a pocket full of sunshine
I got a love that knows that it's all mine
oh.oh,oh
Do what you want,
but you never gonna break me,
sticks and stone are never gonna shake me
oh,oh,oh"

***What do you do when you're bored?

"Saturday morning and it's time to go One day these could be the days but who could have known Loading in the back of a pickup truck Riding with the boys and pushing the luck Singing songs loud on the way to the game Wishing all the things could still be the same Chinese homeruns over the backstop Kakua on the ball and soda pop well... "

***How do you feel about people in general?

"Keep askin' ourselves are we really
Strong enough
There's so many things that we got
Too proud of
We're too proud of"

***Words of wisdom:

“And all at once the crowd begins to sing Sometimes the hardest thing and the right thing are the same”

AND

"Hey, come on try a little
Nothing is forever
There's got to be something better than
In the middle"

***Your view on death:

“And when the broken hearted people Living in the world agree There will be an answer, let it be For though they may be parted There is still a chance that they will see There will be an answer, let it be Let it be, let it be Let it be, let it be Yeah there will be an answer, let it be Let it be, let it be Let it be, let it be Whisper words of wisdom, let it be”

hehe well guys i hope you enjoyed that and as always leave me the comments if you like! :) loves loves!

Overly Ambitious? I Think NOT!

So hello again! wow 2 posts in one week?! what is wrong with me! lol nothing! wow so ok i have something i want to do. well i have a lot i want to do in life but here is something that i have always found interesting and neat and i found out today that it is totally possible!

i want to be a RN! a Registered Nurse! what about teaching right? guess what! i can be a teacher too! wow how awesomely awesome and fun would it be if i could teach AND be a nurse?? oh it would be soo awesome. i contacted UMKC and they said that colleges like William Jewell, Rockhurst, and Mid-America Nazerine all have "expedited" BSN (bachelor of science in nursing) program that i can take and be done with in 12-15 months! wow exciting news! then i take the nursing test, if i pass i am a CERTIFIED RN! in 12-15 months after i graduate from northwest with my TEACHING degree i can also be a nurse.

so how would i do both you might wonder? well i was also told by the lovely people at UMKC that as a RN i can "pick" my job and i can do this option called weekends only or something where i get the benefits of a full time nurse, and the pay of a full time nurse i only have to work friday nights and saturdays and then i can go back to teaching mon-fri and i can work in the summers when i am not teaching.

wow i just am so excited. its not set in stone at all its not for sure. its just something i would love to accomplish. i would love to have that under my belt. a nursing degree and a teaching degree and choose my jobs and be happy. is this to much? is this to big of an ambition i am taking on? i really hope not. i hope i can do this. i hope i can make this happen. i think i can. i think i have the smarts, the will power. i was talking in my last blog about how its my time now its my time to do what i want to do. i wont be young forever and i wont have this time for me forever. so i have to do it now. while i can. prepare for the future. if i dont want to teach forever i can nurse or i can do both or i can do one or the other. i can just do this now. there is no other time for me to do this ya know? if i dont do this now i will get married, have kids and have no time for what i want anymore...not that i dont want all of that i just want to make sure im done living MY life before i start making new lives with people love.

ok so that is all i have to say. if anyone who reads this knows of anyone who is trying to do the same thing i am wanting to do or if you read this and you are a nurse or a teacher and have any comments or suggestions PLEASE tell me!! :) ok happy reading kids.

Its my time now..

Well hello there! long time no write i know! well i havent had my internet for a loong time and i have been back and forth from my apartment and my home and yea its been so hectic. i am just ready for it to slooow down a tid bit. hmm so ok well i have a lot to up date everyone on. kind of well ya know i could add a ton of pictures and tell everyone about my apartment, but eh they are all on facebook and you guys can see them on there and oh and ah if you like. i am going to use my blog to talk. oh i am good at that. i made lots of phone calls yesterday looking for someone to just listen to me. gosh i seriously just needed someone to talk and only 2 people picked up, you know who you are ;) thank you.

do you guys just ever get in those moods like you just feel like everything is crashing down? like its just all wrong or weird or nothing makes sense or there is just so many people to please and you just cant do it all? well all of those things...i was feeling saturday night. i just ugh i dont know what to do with all of me and my family and friends. i have 2 lives now and it sucks! i have a life in maryville which i LOVE i have friends here who i LOVE and an apartment that i LOVE!!! but its summer so my friends that are up here are taking classes and summer classes are killer so they cant really hang out, thats COMPLETELY understandable. but then i have a life in excelsior, well kind of which is what i realized this weekend. i dont really have anyone to come home to in etown. i have my parents and a couple of friends but other than that...nothing. and my 2 or 3 friends i have, i cant and dont expect them to spend every waking moment with me. but when i am not doing something im sittin at home which really isnt my home anymore. all of my bed stuff, internet, tv, books, LIFE is in maryville now. oh is just so hard guys.

i love it in maryville and i want to live here exclusively and be here but i feel so responsible to the few people i have left behind in excelsior to keep my life there. especially my kitty ;). lol but no really i do. like i feel like if i go away i will forget about them...or they will forget about me. also up here i am alone for the most part ya know? i dont have anyone with me at night...mainly referring to my kitty but i dont have anyone here. i suppose as an only child i grew up always having someone there for me and now im by myself and its quiet...i dont even know. :( this is why i get sad and confused and lost i have all these mixed emotions about everything!

so i have decided that this time right now in my life is my time. its my time to do what i want. live MY LIFE how i want to live it. do things for me, what i want to do. this time right now in my life is a time for great things to happen or bad things to happen. i can actually CHOOSE who i want to be (for the most part anyways). while i knew this all along i know now that if i ever want to be my own person i need to take advantage of this amazing opportunity i have in front of me and stop worrying about what everyone else thinks or is doing. and as for those people i am afraid that will forget about me, well if they are there for me - not exactly waiting around for me - but if they are there when i get back and we can pick up where we left off then they are really my friends, my people, the ones who i know no matter what will always be there and if they are not there then oh well. i have to do things for me for once.

so what am i going to do? well here are a few things i would like to do for myself: go on a long walk every night when the sun is starting to set, pray every night, read all the time, go to greece, go fishing, go to church, tell everyone important to me exactly how i feel about them, let go of old grudges, be more accepting of change, "love thy enemies", find some more great music, go camping, get a massage, do WHATEVER comes to my mind with out over thinking it.

oh and i found this awesome song that just oh explains so much about me i dont know how i feel, how i want to feel, its just so awesome. its by a Christian band called FLYLEAF and wow it just struck me and i love it...definitely worth watching the video so you can hear the song. but here are the lyrics because they are what is so moving to me.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_-sNIWi2fLs <-----that is the link for the vid.


All Around Me lyrics

My hands are searching for you
My arms are outstretched towards you
I feel you on my fingertips
My tongue dances behind my lips for you

This fire rising through my being
Burning I'm not used to seeing you

I'm alive, I'm alive

I can feel you all around me
Thickening the air I'm breathing
Holding on to what I'm feeling
Savoring this heart that's healing

My hands float up above me
And you whisper you love me
And I begin to fade
Into our secret place

The music makes me sway
The angels singing say we are alone with you
I am alone and they are too with you

I'm alive, I'm alive

I can feel you all around me
Thickening the air I'm breathing
Holding on to what I'm feeling
Savoring this heart that's healing

And so I cry
The light is white
And I see you

I'm alive, I'm alive, I'm alive

I can feel you all around me
Thickening the air I'm breathing
Holding on to what I'm feeling
Savoring this heart that's healing

Take my hand
I give it to you
Now you own me
All I am
You said you would never leave me
I believe you
I believe

I can feel you all around me
Thickening the air I'm breathing
Holding on to what I'm feeling
Savoring this heart that's healed

well guys thanks for reading this post. you all are amazing and i love you guys!! i hope this post didnt just talk in circles, but then again if it did well you already know that is just WHO I AM! :-D have a very wonderful day!!

Love,
Michelle Bell