You are charming
with the smile of a thief
your touch makes me shiver
you mess up all i know and make me go weak
i have to make an active choice to hate you
because you always know what to say
and when you look at me i cant look away
i know your so very wrong
because i believe every word you say
i hate you for this
but with just one smile, a wink and the graze of your hand
this hate disappears
like the smoke of your 5th cigarette.
...so does anyone read this anymore? if not im ok with that.
Monday, November 16, 2009
Sunday, January 25, 2009
Atllockly
1. YOUR REAL NAME:
Michelle
2. YOUR GANGSTA NAME: (first 3 letters of real name plus izzle.)
Micizzle
3. YOUR DETECTIVE NAME: (favorite color and favorite animal)
Yellow Kitten
4. YOUR SOAP OPERA NAME: (your middle name and street you live on/or neighborhood if it's a number)
Ann Martin
5. YOUR STAR WARS NAME: (the first 3 letters of your last name, first 2 letters of your first name)
Logmi
6. YOUR SUPERHERO/CRIMINAL NAME: (Your 2nd favorite color, and favorite drink)
Red Water
7. YOUR IRAQI NAME: (2nd letter of your first name, 3rd letter of your last name, 1st letter of your last name, 2nd letter of your moms maiden name, 3rd letter of your dads name, 1st letter of a siblings first name, and last letter of your moms first name).
Iglpmcy
8. YOUR WITNESS PROTECTION NAME: (parents middle names).
Ann Payton
9 . YOUR GOTH NAME: (black, and the name of one of your pets).
Black Sugar
10 . YOUR HOOD NAME:....first 3 of your first name and add -iqua....
Miciqua
11. What will you repost this as? (1st letter of middle name; last letter of siblings first name, first letter of your last name, and add lockly)
Atllockly
Michelle
2. YOUR GANGSTA NAME: (first 3 letters of real name plus izzle.)
Micizzle
3. YOUR DETECTIVE NAME: (favorite color and favorite animal)
Yellow Kitten
4. YOUR SOAP OPERA NAME: (your middle name and street you live on/or neighborhood if it's a number)
Ann Martin
5. YOUR STAR WARS NAME: (the first 3 letters of your last name, first 2 letters of your first name)
Logmi
6. YOUR SUPERHERO/CRIMINAL NAME: (Your 2nd favorite color, and favorite drink)
Red Water
7. YOUR IRAQI NAME: (2nd letter of your first name, 3rd letter of your last name, 1st letter of your last name, 2nd letter of your moms maiden name, 3rd letter of your dads name, 1st letter of a siblings first name, and last letter of your moms first name).
Iglpmcy
8. YOUR WITNESS PROTECTION NAME: (parents middle names).
Ann Payton
9 . YOUR GOTH NAME: (black, and the name of one of your pets).
Black Sugar
10 . YOUR HOOD NAME:....first 3 of your first name and add -iqua....
Miciqua
11. What will you repost this as? (1st letter of middle name; last letter of siblings first name, first letter of your last name, and add lockly)
Atllockly
Sunday, January 18, 2009
Time
Time, no matter which way it is going it is still passing and moments are still passing us by, memories are still being made, people are still leaving this world and coming into it. No matter WHAT we do time will still keep moving. How it moves for some is completely different that how it moves for others. Some might think a day has dragged by while other think there is not enough time in the day. Regardless, it’s still passing and we are still losing opportunities in some cases and in others we are making the most of it.
I guess what I am really thinking about in my head is all the time I am given and what I choose to do with it. How do I know I have chosen the right thing to do? What did I miss by doing one thing and not the other? Should I waste my precious time typing about it on a blog? Or am I wasting time, maybe I am helping someone else realize that no matter which way we are growing old, young, up, down we are still moving just like time and eventually all things must end but until they do we will keep on moving in some direction, because time stops for no one.
So as cliché as it sounds I think every person should decide how to make the most of their diminishing time with the ones and things we all love and do it. Not let a day go by where that moment to do the right thing your heart desires has a chance to slip by.
This may sound impossible. We all work, we have school, or some of us have kids or chores or homework but I really think if we want to look back and be truly happy with ourselves we need to seize the time, take it for us and do what makes us happy inside which may be to play with our children, be with our parents, our friends, by ourselves. Whatever it is find what makes you happy and do it…
For what it's worth: it's never too late or, in my case, too early to be whoever you want to be. There's no time limit, stop whenever you want. You can change or stay the same; there are no rules to this thing. We can make the best or the worst of it. I hope you make the best of it. And I hope you see things that startle you. I hope you feel things you never felt before. I hope you meet people with a different point of view. I hope you live a life you're proud of. If you find that you're not, I hope you have the strength to start all over again.
Tuesday, December 23, 2008
So Happy Christmas Lads and Lassies
So this is Christmas. And what have you done? Another year over, And a new one just begun.
And so this is Christmas, I hope you have fun The near and the dear one The old and the young.
A very merry Christmas And a happy New Year, Let's hope it's a good one, Without any fear. And so this is Christmas, For weak and for strong, For rich and the poor ones, The world is so wrong.
And so happy Christmas, For black and for white, For yellow and red ones Let's stop all the fight. A very merry Christmas And a happy New Year Let's hope it's a good one Without any fear.
So its really been a while. I'd say im sorry but that really probably wouldnt matter, doesnt fix the fact that i havent blogged in a while. i just have to face the fact that i am not a blogger. lol. i mean i like it when i blog but when i dont it doesnt really keep me up at night.
so wow its been an entire semester since i have blogged! and how happy and sad that i am that this semester is over. i have had fun this semester. while most of it was spent doing homework, substituting or sleeping it was fun. towards the end i realized that most of my friends had thought i had fallen off the face of the earth so i decided to crawl out of my black and white hole of a room and join the living world again. this last semester really sucked my life away but it was worth it i came out with all A's and one dang B in that stupid piano class i DIDNT need and just took for fun. so you know what i decided that it doesnt count and from here on out i will just say i got all A's. lol
so yea thats really whats been going on with me, just getting back into my social circle up at school before break. a few of my friends graduated at semester and it made me realize that while i sit here and talk about how excited i am to graduate i am really scared as hell. i love going to school, learning, being with friends even though more and more of my friends will be graduating and leaving and it will feel like highschool because i will be the only cool one left...lol just kidding but its kind of like that you dont know any of the underclassmen or in college terms the new people and its not as fun. but lately i have stopped looking at that as a bad thing and more of a challenge. i came up to northwest last year and felt so a lone so womanned up and stepped out of my social circle and actually went to a meeting for a group that i saw on a bulliten board in the union and a year later those people i met at the meeting are some of my great friends. so i realized HAY stop being a ho michelle and do it again...had good results last time it wouldnt hurt to try it again.
haha but enough of that nonsense right? i dont really have much else to say. its christmas eve here, getting excited for the family time later on tonight even though its 1 in the am and i have to get up early and get crap done. but hey want to get a present for me? fill out this crazy little thing i decided not to waste on facebook. well i mean you can if you want to and are bored if not thats cool too yo. :) i appreciate my avid readers and i wish you all a very VERY merry christmas. love you all!
Michelle Bell
1. The love of my life:
2. Where you and I met:
3. Take a stab at my middle name:
4. How long you've known me:
5. When was I born?
6. The last time that we saw each other:
7. Your first impression of me upon meeting me/seeing me:
8. Am I funny?
9. My favorite type of music:
10. Can I sing?
11. The best feature about me:
12. What do I want to do more than anything?
13. What is one thing that you think I should do?
14. Do I have any special talents? If so, what are they?
15. Would you call me preppy, average, sporty, punk, hippie, glam, nerdy, snobby, or something else?
16. Have you ever hugged me?
17. My favorite food:
18. Have you ever had a crush on me?
19. If there was one good nickname for me, it would be:
20. Your favorite memory of me:
21. Do I have any siblings? how many?
22. If you and I were stranded on a desert island, I would bring:
23. Do I believe in God?
24. Who is my best friend?
25. I Love You.
And so this is Christmas, I hope you have fun The near and the dear one The old and the young.
A very merry Christmas And a happy New Year, Let's hope it's a good one, Without any fear. And so this is Christmas, For weak and for strong, For rich and the poor ones, The world is so wrong.
And so happy Christmas, For black and for white, For yellow and red ones Let's stop all the fight. A very merry Christmas And a happy New Year Let's hope it's a good one Without any fear.
So its really been a while. I'd say im sorry but that really probably wouldnt matter, doesnt fix the fact that i havent blogged in a while. i just have to face the fact that i am not a blogger. lol. i mean i like it when i blog but when i dont it doesnt really keep me up at night.
so wow its been an entire semester since i have blogged! and how happy and sad that i am that this semester is over. i have had fun this semester. while most of it was spent doing homework, substituting or sleeping it was fun. towards the end i realized that most of my friends had thought i had fallen off the face of the earth so i decided to crawl out of my black and white hole of a room and join the living world again. this last semester really sucked my life away but it was worth it i came out with all A's and one dang B in that stupid piano class i DIDNT need and just took for fun. so you know what i decided that it doesnt count and from here on out i will just say i got all A's. lol
so yea thats really whats been going on with me, just getting back into my social circle up at school before break. a few of my friends graduated at semester and it made me realize that while i sit here and talk about how excited i am to graduate i am really scared as hell. i love going to school, learning, being with friends even though more and more of my friends will be graduating and leaving and it will feel like highschool because i will be the only cool one left...lol just kidding but its kind of like that you dont know any of the underclassmen or in college terms the new people and its not as fun. but lately i have stopped looking at that as a bad thing and more of a challenge. i came up to northwest last year and felt so a lone so womanned up and stepped out of my social circle and actually went to a meeting for a group that i saw on a bulliten board in the union and a year later those people i met at the meeting are some of my great friends. so i realized HAY stop being a ho michelle and do it again...had good results last time it wouldnt hurt to try it again.
haha but enough of that nonsense right? i dont really have much else to say. its christmas eve here, getting excited for the family time later on tonight even though its 1 in the am and i have to get up early and get crap done. but hey want to get a present for me? fill out this crazy little thing i decided not to waste on facebook. well i mean you can if you want to and are bored if not thats cool too yo. :) i appreciate my avid readers and i wish you all a very VERY merry christmas. love you all!
Michelle Bell
1. The love of my life:
2. Where you and I met:
3. Take a stab at my middle name:
4. How long you've known me:
5. When was I born?
6. The last time that we saw each other:
7. Your first impression of me upon meeting me/seeing me:
8. Am I funny?
9. My favorite type of music:
10. Can I sing?
11. The best feature about me:
12. What do I want to do more than anything?
13. What is one thing that you think I should do?
14. Do I have any special talents? If so, what are they?
15. Would you call me preppy, average, sporty, punk, hippie, glam, nerdy, snobby, or something else?
16. Have you ever hugged me?
17. My favorite food:
18. Have you ever had a crush on me?
19. If there was one good nickname for me, it would be:
20. Your favorite memory of me:
21. Do I have any siblings? how many?
22. If you and I were stranded on a desert island, I would bring:
23. Do I believe in God?
24. Who is my best friend?
25. I Love You.
Sunday, August 17, 2008
Summing up summer '08..
Hi all. I apologize for the terribly long time that has past since I last blogged. I was told about a week or so ago that I haven't blogged in a while and I just now decided at 2am to fix this. :) Well its been about 2 months since I last blogged...wow I didn't think it had been that long. hmm oh well. lets see what has happened since then, i will go in order and put some lovely pictures in here too! oh im getting fancy ;).
***JUNE***
well first off again i was baptized on the 14th :) this has been the most amazing blessing that has been given to me and i am just so grateful to have this church and the people who came along with it in my life. it truly has been amazing. at the end of june i got to experience my first FHE's and one particular one that was fun was the softball FHE! here is a random picture from that the rest are on facebook...
***JULY***
well july had a lot of exciting things going on in it! i was able to come home to etown for the rest of the summer in july and spend it with my family and be closer to my church friends. so the first exciting thing was the 4th of july and it was an awesome fourth of july. i got to watch a lot of firework shows with my parents. that was so much fun. we had a candid photo session on the steps of an old school where we watched the fireworks at and i got to play with my new camera and take pictures of the fireworks not only the professional ones but the ones that me and my parents did on 4th of july night. we had so much fun. i love them so much!!! but anyways here are some of those pictures...
*I love them*
*Our Silly Faces*
So not only did i get to have 4th of july with my mom and dad but with my cousins and grandma and grandpa and aunts and uncles! we have a bbq every 4th of july and unfortunately since we are all getting older not everyone finds it as fun as i do, therefore i have a ton of firecrackers left over :( but we still have a great time visiting and just being together. i love my family so much! here are a couple of pictures from that event!
*John and Grandma*
*The whole Gang*
*My Beautiful cousins*
Then the next day AFTER the wonderful 4th of july was the 5th of july and that was my very first temple trip! which was totally awesome and i just CANT WAIT until lanners comes home and we get to go to the san diego temple! but yea so it was just an amazing experience and i was so humbled by the atmosphere and i just love it! and i am looking forward to the next one in september! so of course here are just a couple of pictures from that trip :) i tried to pick a few that werent up on facebook, to keep this post interesting of course :).
*Winter Quarters Temple*
*Lindsey and I*
*Post temple trip at a delicious Mexican restaurant*
the rest of july was taken up by work, and just a slew of YSA FHE and other church activities that i was so very gladly attending. here are just a couple random pictures from those events with corresponding captions.
*curtis and naomi dancin it up and the singles confrence, josh admiring the skills*
*The lovely Heidi and I at the 2nd YSA beach party on the boat of course*
*Lee got baptized!!*
*I got to hang out with the lovely lindsay laday!*
***AUGUST***
Well august is not over quite yet but it has flown by just like july did. and just like july it has been filled with a lot of fun church activities, work, and just being home with my family and spending some last few precious summer days with friends. started off with a bang with racheys baptism!! so here are just a couple of pictures i have from that :( cause i didnt get to go..im still REALLY sorry about that rach!
*Pre-Baptism*
*Look at her glowing! :-D this makes me so happy*
so i didnt get to go to her baptism because i had a birthday party (which was BEFORE her baptism so thats not why i missed it lol) and a family reunion (which is why i missed it) so starting with the birthday party. it was little jaxys birthday and i just loved gettin to see him and kameryn and brookelin! oh and 2 of their other cousins (lanis nephews) were there! so i got to see them too!! :-D so here are just a couple pictures from that.
Then from that birthday party i went to my moms sides family reunion! oh i had a lot of fun there too. got to see some family i hadnt seen in a while and visit with some new people that i had never met and it was just a great time with great people :) here are a couple pictures from that as well!
*Churnin the homemade ice cream maker!*
*Grandma Eat the ice cream off the paddle, she is so cute!*
*My Great Aunt Catherine*
*Gramma and my cousin Josh catchin up*
*The Whole Gang*
***JUNE***
well first off again i was baptized on the 14th :) this has been the most amazing blessing that has been given to me and i am just so grateful to have this church and the people who came along with it in my life. it truly has been amazing. at the end of june i got to experience my first FHE's and one particular one that was fun was the softball FHE! here is a random picture from that the rest are on facebook...
***JULY***well july had a lot of exciting things going on in it! i was able to come home to etown for the rest of the summer in july and spend it with my family and be closer to my church friends. so the first exciting thing was the 4th of july and it was an awesome fourth of july. i got to watch a lot of firework shows with my parents. that was so much fun. we had a candid photo session on the steps of an old school where we watched the fireworks at and i got to play with my new camera and take pictures of the fireworks not only the professional ones but the ones that me and my parents did on 4th of july night. we had so much fun. i love them so much!!! but anyways here are some of those pictures...
*I love them*
*Our Silly Faces*
So not only did i get to have 4th of july with my mom and dad but with my cousins and grandma and grandpa and aunts and uncles! we have a bbq every 4th of july and unfortunately since we are all getting older not everyone finds it as fun as i do, therefore i have a ton of firecrackers left over :( but we still have a great time visiting and just being together. i love my family so much! here are a couple of pictures from that event!
*John and Grandma*
*The whole Gang*
*My Beautiful cousins*
*Winter Quarters Temple*
*Lindsey and I*
*Post temple trip at a delicious Mexican restaurant*the rest of july was taken up by work, and just a slew of YSA FHE and other church activities that i was so very gladly attending. here are just a couple random pictures from those events with corresponding captions.
*curtis and naomi dancin it up and the singles confrence, josh admiring the skills*
*The lovely Heidi and I at the 2nd YSA beach party on the boat of course*
*Lee got baptized!!*
*I got to hang out with the lovely lindsay laday!****AUGUST***
Well august is not over quite yet but it has flown by just like july did. and just like july it has been filled with a lot of fun church activities, work, and just being home with my family and spending some last few precious summer days with friends. started off with a bang with racheys baptism!! so here are just a couple of pictures i have from that :( cause i didnt get to go..im still REALLY sorry about that rach!
*Pre-Baptism*
*Look at her glowing! :-D this makes me so happy*so i didnt get to go to her baptism because i had a birthday party (which was BEFORE her baptism so thats not why i missed it lol) and a family reunion (which is why i missed it) so starting with the birthday party. it was little jaxys birthday and i just loved gettin to see him and kameryn and brookelin! oh and 2 of their other cousins (lanis nephews) were there! so i got to see them too!! :-D so here are just a couple pictures from that.
Then from that birthday party i went to my moms sides family reunion! oh i had a lot of fun there too. got to see some family i hadnt seen in a while and visit with some new people that i had never met and it was just a great time with great people :) here are a couple pictures from that as well!
*Churnin the homemade ice cream maker!*
*Grandma Eat the ice cream off the paddle, she is so cute!*
*My Great Aunt Catherine*
*Gramma and my cousin Josh catchin up*
*The Whole Gang*The rest of august has been filled with even more church events, which like i said before...i love!! :-D they really are the staple of my week. knowing that every saturday, sunday, and monday i have something to look forward to, someone(s) to look forward to seeing and being around and knowing that i will be around people who are so awesome and just sincerely care about eachothers well being. its amazing and for those of you reading this, you are amazing. i mean that from my heart you guys are such wonderful people and i couldnt ask for a better group of friends, brothers, sisters, a support system that i know if and when needed will be there for me. thank you guys for all of that. here are just a few more pictures from the rest of the summer events with the church.
*Luau Ultimate Frisbee match*
*Real Hawaiian dancers dancin like real Hawaiians do*
finally the last thing i did this summer (before this post anyways) was the JACK JOHNSON concert as all of you know very well i went to. It was SOO amazing!!! My friend/roommate erica and i pulled up to the parking gates at 11:30 am friday morning to begin our wait. we were the 12th car in line...at 2:30 they opened the gates. we parked ran to the main gates and waited there in line until 5:15. we ran again to get a wrist band and get as close to the stage as possible, which you will see we did a very good job. we then waited there until 7pm for the opening acts to come out which they did and they were very good (neil hailstead and rogue wave) then FINALLY at 9pm jack johnson came out....and jamed for 2 hours. he played and sang so very well, wasnt the best showman but his talent i feel like made up for that. it was the best 40$ i have ever spent! :-D so here, of course are some pictures and a video clip from the concert. :)
*Neil Hailstead*
*Rogue Wave*
*Jack Johson!!!*
*Amazing*
*So fun!!*
*Taylor*
so over all i would say that i had a pretty magnificent summer :) and i would like to thank all those who helped me have this magnificent summer. you guys are great people and so very dear to me. i thank heavenly father each day that i am blessed to know each and every one of you. i love you all. i cant wait to see what this fall has in store for me, i just know it will be great. so thank you for reading this far and just for the record its about 3:40 am as i finish this blog..lol. i have learned my lesson and will never get this behind again! haha hope you all have enjoyed this blog and feel free to leave comments! have a wonderful rest of your day(s) :-D
love ya!
Michelle
*Luau Ultimate Frisbee match*
*Real Hawaiian dancers dancin like real Hawaiians do*finally the last thing i did this summer (before this post anyways) was the JACK JOHNSON concert as all of you know very well i went to. It was SOO amazing!!! My friend/roommate erica and i pulled up to the parking gates at 11:30 am friday morning to begin our wait. we were the 12th car in line...at 2:30 they opened the gates. we parked ran to the main gates and waited there in line until 5:15. we ran again to get a wrist band and get as close to the stage as possible, which you will see we did a very good job. we then waited there until 7pm for the opening acts to come out which they did and they were very good (neil hailstead and rogue wave) then FINALLY at 9pm jack johnson came out....and jamed for 2 hours. he played and sang so very well, wasnt the best showman but his talent i feel like made up for that. it was the best 40$ i have ever spent! :-D so here, of course are some pictures and a video clip from the concert. :)
*Neil Hailstead*
*Rogue Wave*
*Jack Johson!!!*
*Amazing*
*So fun!!**Taylor*
love ya!
Michelle
Sunday, June 22, 2008
So The Rumors Are True...
...I AM 110% A MORMON!! woots! and i absolutely love it and i a gonna blog all about it!!! :) so ok i was baptized on June 14th, 2008 at the Platte City Branch!! and here are some pictures! :) this was/is such an amazing experience and i am so glad i got to share it will some really awesome poeple in my life. i guess before i get into pictures i should kind of preface them with how this all happened. i mean most people who read this already know the whole story and more but just in case there is a new reader out there who wants to know i shall share it again! :)
ok so as i have said a MILLION times i have this awesome best friend leilani ratliff and she has an awesome family and they belong to this awesome church right? well i met lani like 8 almost 9 years ago, and well we were like great friends which over the years it turned into best friends. and in this time period of 8-9 years we of course talked about her religion because well A-we both talked alot and B-im curious about everything and wanted to know more. so started the process of my conversion (even though i didnt know it).
so i believe my first "close call" as (my mom would have called it at the time) with actually wanting to take the discussions was in 9th or 10th grade and i had gone to church and Michigan with her and her family and just loved what i felt when i was around them and their mormon friends and at that age of confusion and self exploration i was latching on to anything and everything i could that was solid stable and made me feel good. and well of course awesome friendly people with morals made me feel good duh! lol :) so after lots of talking with lani i told her i wanted to take the discussions not realizing the huge impact this would have on my parents at the time. so when i came home one day all excited to tell them i wanted to get involved in a church again and that i wanted to take these things called "discussions" with these guys called missionaries my parents were leary. they wanted to know what church and as soon as i uttered the word mormon..my mom got upset and scared and angry all at once (it was kind of scary actually lol jk). and i just didnt understand how something that made me so happy could make my mom so upset! so the next day, and i remember this like it was yesterday, my mom came home from work with some articles she had printed out all about how the LDS church was one big trap and that there was no getting out! and pretty much scared the crap out of me and i saw how much even the thought of me joining scared her so i just dropped the whole idea right there with no furthur investigation...to her knowledge atleast.
after that i still went to all kinds of activities with lani, dances, confrences, church, ect and still got that same amazing feeling being there but it was overshadowed by my parents fear and loathing for the church..so i kept that fun between lani and i. i even talked to missionaries again not with an open mind of course because my parents had drilled this defensive mindset into my brain but i still talked to them wanting to get answers for me and my parents.
this continued up until i started dating my first serious boyfriend (which was from end of senior year to end of freshman year of college) whom i based a lot of my decisions on regarding my friends and myself. i kind of lost contact with lani during what i like to call "the dark year" lol and i lost myself completely. i didnt realize it at the time but i was not michelle any more i was this person who did everything they could for someone else who didnt return it. and i didnt realize this until i went out to visit lani in utah. i had been getting back in touch with her because i was going through rough patches with my boyfriend at the time and i knew she would always be there for me because she is like this awesome rock in my life and she was. so i decided to go out there for a week, the entire time i was out there i found myself wanting what she had again. wanting her relationship with god, wanted to be surrounded by amazing people who actually had RESPECT AND MORALS but i couldnt have it (or so i thought). i was completely miserable because i was tied to someone who was sucking the very life out of me and i had lost me. when i returned home from my trip (the day i got back) my boyfriend broke up with me and i was completely alone for the first time in my entire life. i had no one at this point. i prayed yes, but i didnt feel a relationship there i didnt feel anything but pain. the only person who had always been there for me was out in utah with everything i had ever wanted (but may not have known at the time) and i was in MO with nothing. absolutely nothing.
so starts my journey to find myself. i was a freshman in college who had no idea who she was, where i was going next, and if there was going to be anyone there for me. the next year...yes YEAR after my ex and i had split i went into this roller coaster of bad decisions and as most of you know i made some pretty stupid decisions except for one...i made one REALLY good decision. i found the church again. this came about in oh october when i was really struggling with my ex, we had kept in contact and he was still leading me along and i was following i wasnt ready to let go yet. and i remember this so well too. one night while at northwest him and i had gotten into an argument about something..probably because i was being stupid wanting him back and i was just so absolutely terrified that if i didnt end up with him then no one would want me! and then i called another one of my LDS friends because i figured i should just join the church, it would get me away from him with a bunch of cute new singles and i could just forget about him. transfer to BYU or something! and i was set on this. i told my parents (again) that i wanted to join and (again) they flipped and then i told my ex and he said the one thing that i will never forget "michelle if you ever join the church i will never talk to you again" so between him and my parents i was deterred yet again.
however the idea of the church and the way it made me felt never left my mind and that is when i started praying about it. i started praying for answers for help and guidance from Heavenly Father and i never got it because i think he knew i wasnt ready for it. so once again it was pushed to the back of my mind..this was all in october. i will quickly fastfoward the next few months. in DEC= i stopped talking to my ex for good and with Heavenly Fathers help it remains in tact. from december to mayish i hung out with my same friends and tried to change my habits with little luck but for the first time in my life i was doing what i wanted for myself and what made ME happy. (oh yea by this time lani was in germany :[ ). however this life style i was living was not making me happy anymore. i wasnt going anywhere and i felt empty.
towards the end of may i started investigating the church again, this time just because it felt right. not because of a friend (lani had no idea really lol :] ), not because of a boy, but because i felt empty i felt like there was a missing piece to ME and in my sleep, in my prayers, in the back of my mind during the day it turned to the church. so i started talking to friends again asking questions again but this time with an open mind and heart. i then got the guts up to admit i wanted to talk to the missionaries so melissa helped me get that arranged and in the same week i met with them. we talked about all my questions, my fears with my family, we prayed it was amazing. and i have never felt so right about anything, that is until the bus tour that weekend.
now i am up to june 7th the day of the bus tour. i was terrified to go to this church alone, with absolutely no one there i knew except the missionaries but they werent going to go so i was alone and so completely vulnerable. i remember walking in thinking oh goodness i dont know anyone! what am i going to do. no sooner had i thought that when the first person came up to me and introduced himself (colton) quickly followed by a bunch of new people who were all genuinely excited to meet me. i have never EVER felt so welcomed, safe, and warm by a bunch of strangers. in my mind and my heart i knew this was right this was EXACTLY where i was supposed to be at this moment in my life and i was so completely grateful for it.
the bus trip was amazing and while on it at the site i came to a realization this is how God wanted me to come into the church. he wanted me to do it when it was for ME not when i was trying to escape from something or someone, or when i was trying to fit in with my awesome friend. He wanted me to do it when there was nothing left out there for me to fill the void in my heart with. HE brought me to Lani and her amazing family, HE brought me to them so they could help me find the church, HE strenghtened my relationship with her family and her sister so they could bring to the missionaries. HE brought me to them so i could find the AMAZING people at the Platte City 2nd branch and so they could be MY (not lanis even though her church family is awesome) family during this transition. HE brought me all of this when he knew i was ready. HE put the fire in my heart to pursue it this time, to find answers and for that i am ETERNALLY grateful. i was baptized only a week ago but i feel like it was so much longer than that.
i am so happy now, i am complete, i am thankful i have this AMAZING relationship with Heavenly Father that i never thought could be possible, i am thankful that this time my parents are accepting of my decisions, that god warmed their hearts to see that this decision is an amazing one for me, that he brought so many wonderful people into my life before an after the baptism and who were all responsible for it in some way or anther.i am so thankful for everything i have been blessed with all the trial and tribulations i have been through because they have made this victory of me becoming a member THAT MUCH MORE WONDERFUL. i am so happy. so enjoy the pictures. i love you all. enjoy my pictures. :)
My amazing parents and i. i am so glad they came! God is awesome and this picture is such a good picture,minus my dads eyes being closed :(. but i was soo happy that day! oh i am still so happy.
Just a few of the ratliffs/clints that made it! preston, aaron, kameryn, me, jaxyn, melissa, and brookelin. i love them!!
Ted and Marcy! some of the most amazing people ever! who i am so proud to call my second parents!
The missionaries who helped set the whole baptism up on such short notice and helped me through the whole process. :) Elder Gallacher, me, and Elder Tuttle.
Some of my new awesome friends from church. :) life is awesome
The most awesomest chick ever!! 3rd person i met and made me feel so welcome! love her!!
and this is just an awesome picture to end a blog with. love you all and God bless you all.
ok so as i have said a MILLION times i have this awesome best friend leilani ratliff and she has an awesome family and they belong to this awesome church right? well i met lani like 8 almost 9 years ago, and well we were like great friends which over the years it turned into best friends. and in this time period of 8-9 years we of course talked about her religion because well A-we both talked alot and B-im curious about everything and wanted to know more. so started the process of my conversion (even though i didnt know it).
so i believe my first "close call" as (my mom would have called it at the time) with actually wanting to take the discussions was in 9th or 10th grade and i had gone to church and Michigan with her and her family and just loved what i felt when i was around them and their mormon friends and at that age of confusion and self exploration i was latching on to anything and everything i could that was solid stable and made me feel good. and well of course awesome friendly people with morals made me feel good duh! lol :) so after lots of talking with lani i told her i wanted to take the discussions not realizing the huge impact this would have on my parents at the time. so when i came home one day all excited to tell them i wanted to get involved in a church again and that i wanted to take these things called "discussions" with these guys called missionaries my parents were leary. they wanted to know what church and as soon as i uttered the word mormon..my mom got upset and scared and angry all at once (it was kind of scary actually lol jk). and i just didnt understand how something that made me so happy could make my mom so upset! so the next day, and i remember this like it was yesterday, my mom came home from work with some articles she had printed out all about how the LDS church was one big trap and that there was no getting out! and pretty much scared the crap out of me and i saw how much even the thought of me joining scared her so i just dropped the whole idea right there with no furthur investigation...to her knowledge atleast.
after that i still went to all kinds of activities with lani, dances, confrences, church, ect and still got that same amazing feeling being there but it was overshadowed by my parents fear and loathing for the church..so i kept that fun between lani and i. i even talked to missionaries again not with an open mind of course because my parents had drilled this defensive mindset into my brain but i still talked to them wanting to get answers for me and my parents.
this continued up until i started dating my first serious boyfriend (which was from end of senior year to end of freshman year of college) whom i based a lot of my decisions on regarding my friends and myself. i kind of lost contact with lani during what i like to call "the dark year" lol and i lost myself completely. i didnt realize it at the time but i was not michelle any more i was this person who did everything they could for someone else who didnt return it. and i didnt realize this until i went out to visit lani in utah. i had been getting back in touch with her because i was going through rough patches with my boyfriend at the time and i knew she would always be there for me because she is like this awesome rock in my life and she was. so i decided to go out there for a week, the entire time i was out there i found myself wanting what she had again. wanting her relationship with god, wanted to be surrounded by amazing people who actually had RESPECT AND MORALS but i couldnt have it (or so i thought). i was completely miserable because i was tied to someone who was sucking the very life out of me and i had lost me. when i returned home from my trip (the day i got back) my boyfriend broke up with me and i was completely alone for the first time in my entire life. i had no one at this point. i prayed yes, but i didnt feel a relationship there i didnt feel anything but pain. the only person who had always been there for me was out in utah with everything i had ever wanted (but may not have known at the time) and i was in MO with nothing. absolutely nothing.
so starts my journey to find myself. i was a freshman in college who had no idea who she was, where i was going next, and if there was going to be anyone there for me. the next year...yes YEAR after my ex and i had split i went into this roller coaster of bad decisions and as most of you know i made some pretty stupid decisions except for one...i made one REALLY good decision. i found the church again. this came about in oh october when i was really struggling with my ex, we had kept in contact and he was still leading me along and i was following i wasnt ready to let go yet. and i remember this so well too. one night while at northwest him and i had gotten into an argument about something..probably because i was being stupid wanting him back and i was just so absolutely terrified that if i didnt end up with him then no one would want me! and then i called another one of my LDS friends because i figured i should just join the church, it would get me away from him with a bunch of cute new singles and i could just forget about him. transfer to BYU or something! and i was set on this. i told my parents (again) that i wanted to join and (again) they flipped and then i told my ex and he said the one thing that i will never forget "michelle if you ever join the church i will never talk to you again" so between him and my parents i was deterred yet again.
however the idea of the church and the way it made me felt never left my mind and that is when i started praying about it. i started praying for answers for help and guidance from Heavenly Father and i never got it because i think he knew i wasnt ready for it. so once again it was pushed to the back of my mind..this was all in october. i will quickly fastfoward the next few months. in DEC= i stopped talking to my ex for good and with Heavenly Fathers help it remains in tact. from december to mayish i hung out with my same friends and tried to change my habits with little luck but for the first time in my life i was doing what i wanted for myself and what made ME happy. (oh yea by this time lani was in germany :[ ). however this life style i was living was not making me happy anymore. i wasnt going anywhere and i felt empty.
towards the end of may i started investigating the church again, this time just because it felt right. not because of a friend (lani had no idea really lol :] ), not because of a boy, but because i felt empty i felt like there was a missing piece to ME and in my sleep, in my prayers, in the back of my mind during the day it turned to the church. so i started talking to friends again asking questions again but this time with an open mind and heart. i then got the guts up to admit i wanted to talk to the missionaries so melissa helped me get that arranged and in the same week i met with them. we talked about all my questions, my fears with my family, we prayed it was amazing. and i have never felt so right about anything, that is until the bus tour that weekend.
now i am up to june 7th the day of the bus tour. i was terrified to go to this church alone, with absolutely no one there i knew except the missionaries but they werent going to go so i was alone and so completely vulnerable. i remember walking in thinking oh goodness i dont know anyone! what am i going to do. no sooner had i thought that when the first person came up to me and introduced himself (colton) quickly followed by a bunch of new people who were all genuinely excited to meet me. i have never EVER felt so welcomed, safe, and warm by a bunch of strangers. in my mind and my heart i knew this was right this was EXACTLY where i was supposed to be at this moment in my life and i was so completely grateful for it.
the bus trip was amazing and while on it at the site i came to a realization this is how God wanted me to come into the church. he wanted me to do it when it was for ME not when i was trying to escape from something or someone, or when i was trying to fit in with my awesome friend. He wanted me to do it when there was nothing left out there for me to fill the void in my heart with. HE brought me to Lani and her amazing family, HE brought me to them so they could help me find the church, HE strenghtened my relationship with her family and her sister so they could bring to the missionaries. HE brought me to them so i could find the AMAZING people at the Platte City 2nd branch and so they could be MY (not lanis even though her church family is awesome) family during this transition. HE brought me all of this when he knew i was ready. HE put the fire in my heart to pursue it this time, to find answers and for that i am ETERNALLY grateful. i was baptized only a week ago but i feel like it was so much longer than that.
i am so happy now, i am complete, i am thankful i have this AMAZING relationship with Heavenly Father that i never thought could be possible, i am thankful that this time my parents are accepting of my decisions, that god warmed their hearts to see that this decision is an amazing one for me, that he brought so many wonderful people into my life before an after the baptism and who were all responsible for it in some way or anther.i am so thankful for everything i have been blessed with all the trial and tribulations i have been through because they have made this victory of me becoming a member THAT MUCH MORE WONDERFUL. i am so happy. so enjoy the pictures. i love you all. enjoy my pictures. :)
My amazing parents and i. i am so glad they came! God is awesome and this picture is such a good picture,minus my dads eyes being closed :(. but i was soo happy that day! oh i am still so happy.
Just a few of the ratliffs/clints that made it! preston, aaron, kameryn, me, jaxyn, melissa, and brookelin. i love them!!
Ted and Marcy! some of the most amazing people ever! who i am so proud to call my second parents!
The missionaries who helped set the whole baptism up on such short notice and helped me through the whole process. :) Elder Gallacher, me, and Elder Tuttle.
Some of my new awesome friends from church. :) life is awesome
The most awesomest chick ever!! 3rd person i met and made me feel so welcome! love her!!
and this is just an awesome picture to end a blog with. love you all and God bless you all.
Monday, June 2, 2008
Some things you should know...
...about me. so after lovely conversation with my roommate tonight i realized there are something about me that probably just wont change and well you should know them! lol
Oh so arent those lyrics amazing?? i kind of want to explain them but i think they just speak for themselves ya know? i just love how it says "Look into your heart and you’ll find love love love Listen to the music of the moment maybe sing with me A lá peaceful melody It’s your God-forsaken right to be loved love loved love loved" its like ya know everyone has the ability to love someone else and we should!! no matter in what way you love someone friend, significant other, family, ect we should love eachother because "our time is short" oh and when it says "Well no no, well open up your mind and see like me Open up your plans and damn you’re free"
oh and then i read this quote on a friends myspace page and it just struck me. i felt like when i read it i knew exactly what it meant, whether it was meant to be taken in whatever context i took it in i knew what it meant and it just kind of blew me away... "And even though you know one pill will get you through the day, you take two anyways" I dont know why, i dont but it just captivates me and i feel like it can be applied to so many things in life, but if you were to ask me what...i dont think i could tell you. just accept it. :)
so thats about all for the deep in my head post for the evening, i kind of just go carried away but hey i think it was kind of an interesting post and well i have been wanting to share all of this with someone and well this blog listened! lol :) hope you all who read my poo enjoyed it and have a great day!! adios!
+I am very afraid of worms...i have to tried to overcome this and failed...miserably
+I get motion sickness from anything...swings, cars, trains, planes, boats<-ugh
+I talk really fast when im nervous or giddy
+I love to walk around in towels
+I have a blue blankie that i love
+I pay way to much attention to lyrics and movie quotes
+I dont like to but cant help but to organize/plan everything..kind of a neat freak
+I invest all of me and myself into everything I do no matter the risks
+I like to portray independence but most of the time i hate being alone
+I laugh at my own jokes with a "tink tink"
+I talk in circles that no one understands except those people who really know me
+I do the things I do to please others.
+I want to do something AMAZING with my life
+I sing way to loud in the car...but only when i am alone
+I am very strong willed
+I love my family, friends and their families...and my kitty
+I am a very deep person who, if asked the right questions, could talk forever...trust me.
+I am an open book
+I absolutely hate confrontation
+I worry a lot too
+I am very happy with my life, my family, my friends, me
+I get motion sickness from anything...swings, cars, trains, planes, boats<-ugh
+I talk really fast when im nervous or giddy
+I love to walk around in towels
+I have a blue blankie that i love
+I pay way to much attention to lyrics and movie quotes
+I dont like to but cant help but to organize/plan everything..kind of a neat freak
+I invest all of me and myself into everything I do no matter the risks
+I like to portray independence but most of the time i hate being alone
+I laugh at my own jokes with a "tink tink"
+I talk in circles that no one understands except those people who really know me
+I do the things I do to please others.
+I want to do something AMAZING with my life
+I sing way to loud in the car...but only when i am alone
+I am very strong willed
+I love my family, friends and their families...and my kitty
+I am a very deep person who, if asked the right questions, could talk forever...trust me.
+I am an open book
+I absolutely hate confrontation
+I worry a lot too
+I am very happy with my life, my family, my friends, me
All of these things have plus' by them because well I think they are all positive traits and they make me who I am! lol :-D This post wasnt supposed to be something crazy serious I just realized that there are somethings about me that well havent changed over the last 20 years probably wont change anytime soon ya know? And quite frankly are they really THAT bad of traits? I dont think so. :-D ANYWAYS! so i found this amazing song!! ahaha i love it!! ok and the lyrics totally go with the whole "theme" of this post. just read them through and wow you will see what i mean!!
Jason Mraz - Im Yours
Well you done done me and you bet I felt it
I tried to be chill but you’re so hot that I melted
I fell right through the cracks
and now I’m trying to get back
Before the cool done run out
I’ll be giving it my bestest
Nothing’s going to stop me but divine intervention
I reckon it’s again my turn to win some or learn some
I won’t hesitate no more, no more
It cannot wait, I’m yours
Well open up your mind and see like me
Open up your plans and damn you’re free
Look into your heart and you’ll find love love love
Listen to the music of the moment maybe sing with me
A lá peaceful melody
It’s your God-forsaken right to be loved love loved love loved
So I won’t hesitate no more, no more
It cannot wait I’m sure
There’s no need to complicate
Our time is short
This is our fate, I’m yours
I’ve been spending way too long checking my tongue in the mirror
And bending over backwards just to try to see it clearer
My breath fogged up the glass
And so I drew a new face and laughed
I guess what i’ma saying is there ain’t no better reason
To rid yourself of vanity and just go with the seasons
It’s what we aim to do
Our name is our virtue
I won’t hesitate no more, no more
It cannot wait I’m sure
No need to complicate
Our time is short
It can not wait, I’m yours
Well no no, well open up your mind and see like me
Open up your plans and damn you’re free
Look into your heart and you’ll find love love love love
Listen to the music of the moment come and dance with me
A lá one big family (2nd time: A lá happy family; 3rd time: A lá peaceful melody)
It’s your God-forsaken right to be loved love love love
I won’t hesitate no more, no more
It cannot wait, I’m sure
There’s no need to complicate
Our time is short
This is our fate, I’m yours
No please, don’t complicate
Our time is short
This is our fate, I’m yours
No please, don’t hesitate
no more, no more
It cannot wait
The sky is your’s!
Jason Mraz - Im YoursWell you done done me and you bet I felt it
I tried to be chill but you’re so hot that I melted
I fell right through the cracks
and now I’m trying to get back
Before the cool done run out
I’ll be giving it my bestest
Nothing’s going to stop me but divine intervention
I reckon it’s again my turn to win some or learn some
I won’t hesitate no more, no more
It cannot wait, I’m yours
Well open up your mind and see like me
Open up your plans and damn you’re free
Look into your heart and you’ll find love love love
Listen to the music of the moment maybe sing with me
A lá peaceful melody
It’s your God-forsaken right to be loved love loved love loved
So I won’t hesitate no more, no more
It cannot wait I’m sure
There’s no need to complicate
Our time is short
This is our fate, I’m yours
I’ve been spending way too long checking my tongue in the mirror
And bending over backwards just to try to see it clearer
My breath fogged up the glass
And so I drew a new face and laughed
I guess what i’ma saying is there ain’t no better reason
To rid yourself of vanity and just go with the seasons
It’s what we aim to do
Our name is our virtue
I won’t hesitate no more, no more
It cannot wait I’m sure
No need to complicate
Our time is short
It can not wait, I’m yours
Well no no, well open up your mind and see like me
Open up your plans and damn you’re free
Look into your heart and you’ll find love love love love
Listen to the music of the moment come and dance with me
A lá one big family (2nd time: A lá happy family; 3rd time: A lá peaceful melody)
It’s your God-forsaken right to be loved love love love
I won’t hesitate no more, no more
It cannot wait, I’m sure
There’s no need to complicate
Our time is short
This is our fate, I’m yours
No please, don’t complicate
Our time is short
This is our fate, I’m yours
No please, don’t hesitate
no more, no more
It cannot wait
The sky is your’s!
Oh so arent those lyrics amazing?? i kind of want to explain them but i think they just speak for themselves ya know? i just love how it says "Look into your heart and you’ll find love love love Listen to the music of the moment maybe sing with me A lá peaceful melody It’s your God-forsaken right to be loved love loved love loved" its like ya know everyone has the ability to love someone else and we should!! no matter in what way you love someone friend, significant other, family, ect we should love eachother because "our time is short" oh and when it says "Well no no, well open up your mind and see like me Open up your plans and damn you’re free"
Ugh i love this part too!!! its so true, ya know i said i plan things and have to organize but ya know if i stop trying to do that and just open up my eyes and stop planning then i will set myself free! FREE!! i just dont know this song just struck a chord with me and well yes now its my ringer! lol :)
oh and then i read this quote on a friends myspace page and it just struck me. i felt like when i read it i knew exactly what it meant, whether it was meant to be taken in whatever context i took it in i knew what it meant and it just kind of blew me away... "And even though you know one pill will get you through the day, you take two anyways" I dont know why, i dont but it just captivates me and i feel like it can be applied to so many things in life, but if you were to ask me what...i dont think i could tell you. just accept it. :)
so thats about all for the deep in my head post for the evening, i kind of just go carried away but hey i think it was kind of an interesting post and well i have been wanting to share all of this with someone and well this blog listened! lol :) hope you all who read my poo enjoyed it and have a great day!! adios!
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